eeeeeep
Tuesday, November 10, 2009, ϟ 0 shout(s)
my gosh today was ok-ish
but that's only cause my sisters aren't home yet. if they were...ohhhh....gawd. it's gonna be such a pain in the ass man. seriously. they never seem to care that's they're scarring me. today my friend told me to stop about my life so much...i'll try to but yeah... i don't seem to laugh as much as i used to...my turning point from my old self was when i met eric... :/ my bestie seems pissed off today...it's so scary ><>
this is so sad. i've cried so much and now my eyes refuse to spill anymore tears. i mean...the tears come and all that but it's not spilling. seriously...it's so weird. my heart wants to cry but my eyes don't want to anymore. plus...i don't scream...never have been able to. i can squeek or shout "HOLY SHIT!" or "BAH!" or "WAH!" but nothing else. ever since i began crying in my room silently. i stopped all the wails from pain and all that shit. it's only a "omg! FAR OUT!" no more screams... and if i was scared i would laugh my head of. i don't know what my problem is. and to tell you the truth...i don't think anyone will.
everyday i'd walk to school and think of life. and how everyone elses are so shit like mines. i'd get in trouble or picked on by the teachers as i gaze out of the window near me to think about it. man that's embarassing as. last year when i wasn't so depressed my english teacher would always say"patricia! smile for once. you never seem to smile when i see you" the truth is...there is no reason why i didn't smile then... but now there is. a heap of them actually.
life is so hard. i don't even know why i'm alive... well just recently i found out that i was an accident. my family wasn't expecting me and didn't want me at all. no one did. but they ended up giving birth to me. why? cause they thought i would be a good roll model for my brother plus...an additional translator for my family. isn't that great? r___r i'm just a package for them to use. my sister was cracking up so hard when my mum told her that in the living room when i was in earshot. then my sister was like"that's right, and you better work hard so you're not an accident. OH and don't forget to add that into your journal" i mean how slack is that?
could've cried then but then i couldn't. that just plunged another wound into my already damaged heart. how much more does it have to go through? i could just kill myself...but that'd just prove my sister right she'd probably be going"i told her not to be an accident...but...she still was. i knew she was gonna be a burden and my hunch was right. she was. she was a waste of space and effort" at my funeral in her head. if i was able to, i'd go and slap her a few times then drop dead on her. see how she'd react about that :L
ok...back to the present day...
maths yearlies wasn't that hard as i thought it would. that's a good thing xP and i was making tina stress out
lmao that was awesome
today was rememberance day. had to stand out in the freaken sun for like what? 15MINUTES! so hawt man the trumpet song was so funny sounding. and my rollcall teacher was sooo weird today she wore the same EXTRA baggy pants *shivers* so retarded.
the day got past ok... in literacy me and gillian were teasing ms zanweiski so funny xD
sceince... moved seats and the seats WERE ALL NEW xD my chair was already ruined somehow. stupid ganster wanna-bes i don't care who they are but that's so stupid. THINK OF THE OTHER PEOPLE HERE!
THEY'RE ALL NEW AND YOU FUCKEN WRECK THEM ALREADY. YOU BASTARD!/BITCH?
meeh
over all...today wasn't as sucky as the others
quote time~ xD
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you I had no control over.
new past